pacing & leading

As well as matching with others, you need to match between the parts of yourself. This requires what we term congruence, simply meaning that what you say and how you express it (in your total physiology, tone of voice, etc.) must harmonise. Research has shown that, although people may not always notice the actual body language a person adopts, they instinctively seem to spot disharmony between words and total physiology. Somehow we unconsciously pick up the communication signals. We also know from research that, when mismatched, people tend to take body language rather than the words we say as 'truth'. In fact, according to one major study, words alone account for a mere 7 per cent of the effectiveness of face-to-face communication. You will find it hard to fake congruence. So follow the rules of respect and staying within your natural comfort zone in all your communications. A fully congruent communication has enormous effect, whether a public presentation or a one-to-one conversation.