Matching voice

Sometimes you will find physiological matching inappropriate or impossible, such as on the telephone when you cannot see the other person. But the pitch and tone of your voice also represent a major part of any communication. And, according to research, this may have more impact than the actual words we say. The more aspects of a person you can match, the more effectively you can create rapport. So aim to understand and match every area. The qualities you can listen for in voice patterns include:

Volume - do they speak quietly or loudly?

Tempo - how fast or slowly do they speak?

Rhythm - can you detect a flowing melody in their sentences or do they pronounce their words in a more separate, staccato way?

Pitch - high or low?

Timbre - what qualities do you hear in their voice? Clear or husky, for Instance

Tone - what emotions do they convey in their tone of voice?

Phrases - do they use characteristic sayings or regional colloquialisms?

Once again, begin by matching one characteristic, then add others as you become more competent. Above all, stay with the flow of the conversation. Rapport has some of the characteristics of dance. Make any changes slowly and naturally as far as you can, and remember not to stray too much from your personal comfort zone.

Micro matching

As well as the degree of matching, the type of matching also forms a continuum. Finer micro matching, for instance, might include the subtlest physiological changes. Although requiring keen observation skills, in this case you can achieve strong rapport inconspicuously. By observing someone carefully you will soon start to notice numerous little mannerisms, all of which offer matching potential. The communicates remains unconscious both of their own behaviour, especially at this micro level, and also your matching behaviour. But rapport none the less follows, almost magically. Some of these techniques might seem contrived and even a bit far-fetched but matching does work in creating rapport. What happens when the other party notices the matching process? This hardly ever happens. If it does, it probably means you have broken some of the rules we have explained, gone beyond your comfort zone or forgotten the importance of subtlety and respect. What about communicating with someone already familiar with the techniques of matching? This sometimes applies with skilled salespeople and negotiators. Interestingly, we have found that they will usually respect you for your professional communication skills. After all, as we have seen, matching does not involve manipulation, but understanding the other person better, and achieving a win-win outcome for both parties.

Macro matching

As well as specific matching, think about your overall position, say within the room, or vis-a-vis furnishings, in relation to the other person. You can, for example, match a person sitting across a desk, or with chairs facing, just like a mirror image. Alternatively, you can sit together, facing the same direction (as when on a couch), and still match gestures and body position. The latter behaviour will more likely create a sense of unity of purpose and rapport - you have literally got the person 'on your side'. On the other hand, you may have little opportunity for eye contact, or even to observe their overall body language. In this case, you may choose to have your chairs at right angles to each other so that you both effectively 'face the same direction' but with better eye contact, and, if you wish, still look at the same document. A flip chart, white board or common document to refer to can often help to focus attention and establish rapport. The object forms a neutral reference point and brings you together. It can also help rapport if you both contribute ideas and explanations in words or drawings on a single notepad. In this way you not only match physiology but can also match the person's preference to draw doodles or diagrams to communicate.

Similarly, swapping the same marker pen and jointly contributing to a diagram, flow chart or list of ideas on a flip chart can also help create rapport. Simple things like this can all help to establish a genuine meeting of minds. Communicating means getting closer to a person in more than just a physical sense. The respective heights of chairs can also have an effect. Matching aims for win-win rapport, rather than manipulation or domination. Different levels (as in standing and sitting respectively) might give the wrong signals. So you need to match levels as well as orientation. If a person marches up and down talking you will not help rapport by reclining in a low chair at the other end of the room. In this case you will either have to join in the mobile discourse, or part match by at least standing up. Consider all macro aspects of matching, rather than just body posture and gestures.

Part matching

Matching happens progressively. You don't have to immediately match every aspect of the person's body language. Start with just one aspect - say the overall posture or stance. Then gradually match the angle of the head, crossing limbs and limb movements, size of gestures, voice volume and pitch, and so on. Matching forms a continuum rather than an either/or approach. So you can experiment with any level of part matching while you gain experience and develop your skill. If someone sits or stands in a particularly marked or idiosyncratic way., consider just moving part way to matching their posture. You need not mimic the person exactly in order to establish and maintain rapport.

What about facial expressions? A person with pronounced expressions who raises their eyebrows, pops or rolls their eyes, purses their lips, grimaces and so on, will not feel at home with a passive, poker-faced person who does not betray their feelings. They expect a like response. To such a person facial movements seem normal. You will find these expressions hard to fake so stay within your comfort zone, going part way rather than not matching at all. With very overt physical positions, such as crossed and uncrossed arms or legs, it helps to allow some delay before matching so that the movement appears quite natural. You can use variations on the theme of part matching, sometimes called 'crossover matching'. For instance., if the person folds their arms you could cross your legs, or vice versa. If the other person clasps their hands you might just place one hand on the other. If they rub their hands together you can shuffle your feet. If they fiddle with a plastic cup you can click your pen, and so on. As with 'going part way', you need not match exact item for exact item.

 

Rapport and communication skills (2)

Matching Physiology

People who get on well together tend to adopt the same body posture when communicating. Look at people locked in conversation and you will often see their silhouettes mirroring each other. An old couple, after many years of marriage, frequently almost seem to look alike. As well as overall posture, people tend to use similar gestures and mannerisms. For example, they may both lean back with arms clasped behind their heads. or face each other with hands open on the table, or with arms or legs crossed or uncrossed. This happens completely naturally and we hardly ever notice it. Once in rapport, our interest centres on the other person and the content of the discussion rather than any external physiology. All this physiological matching provides evidence of rapport. which we can therefore calibrate or measure. As well as using physiological matching to measure rapport, you can use it to establish and build rapport.

Sit or stand in the same overall way, aligning your back similarly, or positioning your head to one side to match the other person.

Cross or uncross your arms and legs, and match the other person's general body movements.

Make the same sorts of gestures with your hands. face and body.

Rapport and communication skills (1)

The ability to get on with others helps ensure success in almost every walk of life. If your job depends on interacting with people, managing them or otherwise depending on them, you will need this communication skill. And we all need it in any family or social context. We sometimes call this interpersonal skill 'rapport'. Having a good rapport with another person creates the right conditions for an effective exchange of thoughts and ideas, whether in selling, negotiation, interviewing, counselling or any ongoing relationship. NLP has some specific and powerful techniques for building and maintaining rapport, in this lesson we will be exploring those skills.

Matching
We tend to like people like ourselves. We get on better with them, and so communicate with them more effectively. And they, in turn, get to like us. Effective rapport therefore involves matching. People who have a rapport tend to act like each other in a number of ways. Rapport skills offer benefits far beyond your professional or work life. They may well affect the goals you set, especially those involving other people. The secret lies in matching. You can build rapport by matching in the following areas: 

Physiology - body posture and movement Voice - tone, speed of speech and other voice characteristics Language and thinking style - choice of words and representation system' (seeing, hearing, or feeling) Beliefs and values - what people hold as true and important Experience - finding common ground in your activities and interests Breathing - a more subtle but powerful way to match someone

We will address each of these areas separately. Before we do, you need to understand a few vital points about matching.

Firstly, always remember the importance of subtlety and respect. Don't abruptly change your posture or voice, or mechanically copy gestures. Make any change gradually and as far as possible imperceptibly. Avoid attracting the other person's attention by your body language, but rather help them to achieve rapport unconsciously. Otherwise you may annoy or insult them, rather than create rapport. Although highly conscious at first, your actions should gradually become natural and spontaneous. Have respect for the other person as a unique individual, especially when it becomes apparent that their behaviour and mannerisms differ from yours.Secondly, you also need to respect your own body. We all have different ways to stand, sit and carry out basic behaviors and these may differ from those of the other person. This means that in some situations you will feel decidedly uncomfortable when matching, and this will come across to the other person. You may find it physically difficult to act 'out of step' with your normal posture and mannerisms.

You may get away with uncharacteristic behaviour when relating to a stranger, such as a new sales prospect. But anyone who knows you well will spot you acting 'out of character', and this will break any rapport you would have built by acting naturally. So stay within your comfort zone and the natural boundaries of your personality. That does not mean that you cannot match; simply that you need to choose behaviors that you can match comfortably, or partly match.

 

Submodalities, the difference that makes the difference! (2)

Submodalities give the fine distinctions to any modality and transform the objective, physiological processes of seeing, hearing and feeling into subjective experience. We all know that the same external sensory inputs can have very different effects on different people. What makes one person happy will make another person sad, for example, because we code these inputs in the brain, and filter them according to our past experience, beliefs and values. This produces the varied thinking characteristics that NLP terms submodalities. Modalities and their submodalities, together, make up your experience your reality. They represent your 'map' of the world. But, as you have learnt, this does not constitute the 'territory' of reality. Submodalities give meaning to experience.To discover how submodalities function, the first step is to learn that they do indeed exist. Try this next exercise:

Think of a pleasant memory and write down as many of its submodalities as you can. Use the checklist above if you need help.

Now think of something you are not interested in. Maybe a paper cup or a pen for example. This is to break your memory from the first step.

Now recall an unpleasant memory, and similarly make a note of its submodalities.

Now compare each set of submodalities and you will probably find that they differ. Those differences account for the different way you feel about each experience.

The circumstances or content of each memory differed, of course. But you can probably think of memories with very similar content which nevertheless evoke different feelings. For example, you may have won an event on two occasions but now feel differently as you recall each one. And sure enough, the memory submodalities will also probably differ. To take another example, you may meet two different people for the first time, and each first meeting might evoke very different feelings or 'chemistry'. The content did not differ greatly - you had no earlier knowledge of either person and no logical reason to form particular impressions. But you unconsciously coded the two memories very differently. Each had different qualities. All this helps to explain apparently random, illogical feelings and reactions. The secrets of our hang-ups, prejudices, irrational feelings and perceptions boil down to the way we code, in submodalities, our representation of the world around us. In other words, Our personal map-making system depends on the qualities, or submodalities, of our thoughts.

You can't do much about content when it comes to memories, of course. You can't turn the clock back and change what happened. But you can do something about the way you represent those experience recordings now. You can change the qualities or characteristics of the mind-pictures, sounds and feelings that constitute your experience. These, we have already learnt, do not equate to reality. They have already gone through the personal mental filters that result in the memories we record and the feelings they evoke. So it makes sense, if you can change these representations, to do it in a way that supports your goals in life and enhances your state of mind. Once you can identify submodalities, you can then start to manipulate, them to create experience and change behaviour. Try this out. Go back to the unpleasant memory you recalled, but this time switch the characteristics of the picture to match the submodalities you identified in the happy memory. Replace the 'unhappy' submodalities.

For example, if in your happy recollection you saw big, bright images, then make them that way as you recall the negative memory. If your unhappy memory appeared blurred, out of focus and not in 'real life' colour, replace it to match your happy memory. You will probably meet many of the visual qualities in the checklist above.

Take another example. Perhaps in your unhappy memory you could see yourself there in the picture, whereas in the happy recollection you occupied your own body looking through your own eyes and experiencing it your-self. NLP uses the terms associated (seeing things through your own eyes) and dissociated (looking as if from the outside). This one important submodality can have a dramatic effect on how you feel about an experience. Switching to the associated state may, along with the other submodalities, apply the 'happiness' code to an unhappy memory content. These submodalities do not apply universally. But they usually remain valid for you as representing particular states. Association tends to intensify a feeling. Conversely, recalling a traumatic experience in a dissociated way will typically cause less pain - you distance yourself or 'step outside' the experience. Thus, changing the main submodalities of thought means changing how you feel. And it makes sense to create more pleasurable, empowering feelings.

You can switch submodalities in any of the representational systems. Change the sounds or feelings. Change that nasty voice for the voice of a little child, or a cartoon character, and see whether it creates the same fear in you. Change that cold sensation for warmth and comfort. External experience involves all the senses, and changing internal experience requires the same multi-sensory realism. Switching submodalities gives you a powerful technique for change. You may already have experience of manipulating your thoughts in this way and noticed the change in how you feel. On the other hand you might think it impossible, incredible or just strange. This basic skill, which we all had as children, just needs imagination. It means doing what you want in your own mind, having your own identity, and changing what you want. If your powers of imagination have atrophied over the years, start with something simple, then practice, practice, practice. You can hone your mental skills, like any skill, through repetition and practice.

Imagine your boss with a silly hat on. See your desk sawn in two. Visualize your TV swinging from the ceiling. Imagine a blue dandelion. Change some colours, sounds, and feelings. Start saying different, more empowering things to yourself. Imagine a blue triangle/a short piece of string/a tree a mile high. Pretend that when you lost you actually won. Pretend that when you failed you actually succeeded.

Enjoy yourself. Treat your mind as a priceless, personal treasure. Most educated Western people tend to think more objectively, having a preference for rational 'left-brain' processing. But you can now enter your precious, subjective world and relearn childhood imaginative skills more associated with your right brain. In this way you can start to access your creative, unconscious mind. Explore your mind and get it to do what YOU want. Once you become proficient in changing submodalities using non-threatening situations from your own experience, you can start to use your new skill more positively to create the internal experience and feelings you want. This, in turn, produces more positive, useful behaviour, enabling you to make important life changes.

It helps to relax when using any of these mental techniques. Most of us unwind at some time and have our own methods that work, such as listening to music, soaking in a hot bath, or getting away to a quiet place in our minds. It usually helps to think of each limb relaxing, one by one, then your neck, head, face and jaw. It also helps to breathe deeply and slowly. Some people, however, seem to like imagining their body as very light, and floating up rather than sinking down. And particular kinds of music can have a very different effect. Some people, for instance, find Baroque stringed instruments really relax them. You can only do so much to change the world. But you can do a lot to change how you represent or interpret the world, by identifying and changing your thought submodalities. You can change for the better how you think, what you do, and what you achieve.

Submodalities, the difference that makes the difference! (1)

So far we have talked about the main ways of thinking - in sounds, pictures, feelings, tastes and smells - these are known as the ‘representational systems’ or ‘modalities’, but this is only the first step. If you wanted to describe an internal picture you have seen, there is a lot of detail you could add. Was it in colour or black and white? was it still or like a moving picture? was it near to you or far away? Similarly you could describe a sound; was it loud or soft? high or low in pitch? A feeling could be heavy or light, sharp or dull etc. If you are seeing something you can see it either through you own eyes ‘associated’ in NLP, or as if you are someone else looking at yourself ‘dissociated’. Associated images tend to be more powerful to the emotions than dissociated images. These distinctions are known as ‘submodalities’ in NLP.

Submodalities can be either on/off switches (called ‘digital’ in NLP) or like dimmer switches (called ‘analogue’ in NLP). For example, associated or dissociated would be consider on/off (digital), not both. Brightness or darkness would be more like a dimmer switch (analogue). Submodalities can be present in predicates with in the phrases we use when we speak. ‘I see, but it looks hazy’, ‘That rings loud and clear’ etc.

Submodalities can be thought of as the most fundamental operating code of the human brain. It is simply not possible to think any thought or recall any experience without having a submodality structure. The most interesting aspect of submodalities is what happens when you change them. Some can be changed and nothing happens. Others may be crucial to a particular memory and changing them changes the whole way we think about the experience. Typically the impact and meaning of a memory or thought is more a function of a few critical submodalitites than it is of the content. Some changes will have a profound impact on how you fell about that memory. You may like to leave the memory with the submodalities at the values you like best. Changes in submodalities are called ‘submodality shifts’ in NLP. In this lesson we will be learning about ‘submodalities’.Below, you will find lists of qualities or submodalities for each of the three main sensory systems (visual, auditory and kinesthetic):

Visual: Associated or dissociated, Colour or black and white, Location (e.g., to the left or right, up or down), Distance, Brightness, Framed or panoramic, Blurred or focused, Contrast, Moving or still, Speed (faster or slower than real life),Size.

Auditory: Loud or soft, Distance from sound source, Words or sounds, Location of sound source, Stereo or mono, Continuous or discontinuous, Speed (faster or slower than usual), Clear or muffled, Soft or harsh.

Kinesthetic (feeling): Temperature, Texture (rough or smooth), Intensity, Pressure (hard or soft), Duration (how long it lasts), Weight (light or heavy), Shape.

Submodalities apply to any representation. They make the representation clear or confusing, pleasant or unpleasant. In other words submodalities determine not only what you see but how you interpret what you see and how you feel about it. Submodalities give unique meaning to every sensory experience. For example, a visual image comprises more than light waves measured through a clever optical tool called the eye. It consists of your personal interpretation of the experience based on millions of neural firings that take place in your brain (which in turn interact with an existing network of billions of synaptic recordings). This enormously complex process makes the colorless energy waves of the universe into a beautiful red rose, a dramatic sunset or the face of a little child. It works a bit like tuning your television, but with infinitely greater richness and variety.

Describing experience using the 4-tuple

Modalities are the representational systems: visual (V), auditory (A), kinesthetic (K), olfactory (O) and gustatory (G). We take in information from the external (e) world using our five senses , and those same five senses are used internally (i) to process information. We see pictures, hear sounds, feel feelings and also we are able to smell and taste internally. Our ongoing experience can be usefully coded as consisting of some combination of these sensory classes. In NLP we represent and abbreviate the expression of on-going sensory experience as a ‘4-tuple’.

The 4-tuple is shown symbolically as: <>

Here the capital letters are abbreviations for the five senses or representational systems:

• A =auditory (hearing),
  
• V = Visual (seeing),
  
• K = Kinesthetic (feeling),
• O/G = Olfactory/Gustatory (smelling/tasting)

The superscripts (in parentheses) ‘e’ and ‘i’ indicate whether the representations are coming from sources external, to us (e = external), as when we are looking at, listening to, feeling, smelling or tasting something that is outside of us, or whether they are internally generated, (i = internal), as when we are remembering or imagining some image, sound, feeling smell or taste. We can also show the 4tuple iconically as:

Using the 4-tuple we can usefully describe our on going experience. For example, let me describe my experience right now as I am reading this book::

Ai = Auditory internal - I hear the tempo and tonal qualities of my internal dialogue as I read the words to myself. (Auditory internally generated)

Ve = Visual external - I see the typed words of the website, the lighting pattern in the room (Visual externally generated)

Ke = Kinesthetic external - I fell the chair, and the temperature of the room. (Kinesthetic externally generated)

O/Ge = Olfactory/Gustatory external - I can smell the flowers in the room and the freshness of the air. (Olfactory/Gustatory externally generated)

Here I just described my total conscious on-going experience using the 4-tuple. You can use the 4-tuple to describe any on-going experience. Try describing your on-going experience now using the 4-tuple.

Synesthesia

Sometimes you may notice that a person seems to use two representational systems at the same time. For example, he or she may indicate visual eye movements but use kinesthetic predicates and body language. Termed 'synesthesia', in this case two or more representational systems work in unison.
For instance, a certain sound may have a feel or texture or colour. In other cases a strong memory may produce a negative kinesthetic feeling linked with a positive visual memory. In such a case the person probably doesn't understand why they feel the way they do.
People with synesthesia often have goodmemories, because the more sensory 'recordings' we can call upon the better we recall memories. And, in any event, people with extraordinary memories tend to use more than one rep system - whether or not naturally synesthetic. Memories, of course, mirror real, multi-sensory life. Similarly, a vivid imagination operates in multi-sensory mode.

Lead system

Just as we have a preferred / primary representational system for our conscious thinking, so we also have a preferred means of bringing information into our conscious thought. This is called the ‘lead system’ in NLP, the internal sense that we use as a handle to reach back to a memory. It is how the information reaches the conscious mind. It is sometimes called the ‘input system’, as it supplies the material to think about consciously.
Most people have a ‘lead system’ and it need not be the same as the preferred/primary system. For example, you may be a ‘feeling person’ who thinks about a holiday experience in terms of feelings. This is confirmed by the words you use and your body language. But, in recalling a memory, you may first use a ‘visual’ image, which is then replaced by the comfortable kinesthetic sensing you are more at home with. In this example the ‘visual’ system was used as the ‘lead system’.
So we each have a preferred representational systems, and also a lead system, which may or may not be the same. But the good news is that we tend to be consistent is whatever way we think.

Non Verbal Cues

Eye accessing cues

We can detect what representational systems a person is using by noticing their patterns of eye movements.

If I ask you to visualize the face of a schoolteacher, as far back as you can remember, you will probably look slightly up and to your left. If I ask you to remember his or her voice, or perhaps the sound of the bell or buzzer signaling the end of class, you will probably move your eyes to the left, but not up or down. But if you are asked to remember the feeling of the surface of your school desk, or the feel of soap in your hand in the school washroom, or any other past kinesthetic experience, you will probably, without being aware of it, look down and to your right.

The diagram below shows what these eye movements look like if you are facing the person. The patterns may be reversed for left-handed people, who may look right for remembered images and sounds, and left for constructed images and sounds. Note that eye accessing cues will be consistent for a person even if they do not follow this diagram. For example, a left-handed person may look down to his right for internal dialogue and down to his left for feelings.

What ever the person does it will be consistent for that person and not just a mix of random movements. All this is to do with accessing different parts of the brain when we think. It is well researched and is referred to as ‘lateral eye movements’ in neurological literature. In NLP these eye movements are known as ‘eye accessing cues’.

Other non-verbal cues

A persons who thinks visually will usually speak quickly, with the head up, and using a higher pitch than an auditory person, who will tend to breathe and speak in a more rhythmic, clear and resonant tone.

People who are ‘talking to themselves’ are likely to lean their heads to one side, in a typical listening position - as if holding a telephone conversation.

A kinesthetic person is likely to speak in a slow, deeper tone, relaxed and with the head down. Although these ‘rules’ may not always hold true, as you start observing people and matching what they say to their posture and tone of voice, you will see just how often these mannerisms are apparent. So, as well as verbal cues, or predicates, there are also physiological, or body language cues to thinking. The mind and body are parts of the same system and affect each other.

‘The ways we take in, store and code information in our mind’

Representational systems, preferred/primary system and predicates

The ways we take in, store and code information in our mind is through our five senses - seeing, hearing, feeling, tasting and smelling - these senses are known as ‘representational systems’ or ‘modalities’ in NLP. We use our senses outwardly to perceive the world, and inwardly to ‘re-present’ experience to ourselves. When we think about what we see, hear and feel, we use these same senses inwardly. Including taste and smell, all five are represented internally, although we use the main three : seeing, hearing and feeling - most, in that order.

We each have a preference for which sense we use, for the way we think. Some people are happier with images and pictures, rather than sounds. For example, if I ask you to describe what you are experiencing as you read, would you start by describing what you can see, or the sounds, or the feelings? And which would you give the most attention to in your description? People we describe as ‘kinesthetic’ are very aware of physical sensations, and are more likely to describe the feel of the chair they are sitting on than the traffic noise down the street, or the sunlight on the screen. We give clues to our preference by using particular words and phrases. ‘I get the picture’ or ‘I see what you are saying’ indicate a visual preference. ‘I hear what you say’ or ‘That wounds great’ suggest an auditory preference. Whereas ‘It feels right’ or ‘I grasp the idea’ are the sort of phrases you would hear from people with a kinesthetic preference.

This thinking preference is likely to reflect an actual sensual preference - which sense you prefer to use when taking in and relating to the outside world. Some people easily remember faces (visual) whilst others remember names (usually by the sound, auditory). Some people like to consider a problems by drawing pictures, organizing diagrams or symbols other than words. Others like to talk a problem through, perhaps writing down a list of pros and cons but inwardly ‘hearing’ what is written. Some people are good listeners. whilst others are very observant in a visual way. Others detect subtle feelings, and might well use body language to ‘touch’ people.

You may not have thought about this before, in which case you may not know what your preference us, but this will soon become apparent. The fact is that we are too busy thinking to think about it! We just think, without being aware of the process, even though we are doing it all the time with great skill. So it is no surprise that we do not know how others think, and tend to assume that they think the same way as we do - that, given the same facts and arguments, they are eventually bound to see it our way. But this is not the case. Remember ‘the map is NOT the territory’. And one of the things that makes us very different is our thinking preference - which senses we prefer to use inwardly. When a person tends to use one internal sense habitually, this is called their ‘preferred’ or ‘primary’ system in NLP.

You can easily determine someone else’s primary/preferred system. Without letting them know what you are up to, make a mental note of all the words and figures of speech that suggest a seeing, hearing or feeling preference. Such words and phrases (called ‘predicates’ in NLP) are used so frequently that we usually do not notice them. Some of the expressions only make sense when you realise that the person is revealing their particular preference. ‘I see what you are saying’ does not make as much sense as ‘ I hear what you are saying’, until we realise that the person interprets what is said by putting in into internal images, or pictures. It is then what he or she ‘sees’ that makes sense. In a conversation many such clues are likely to ‘appear’ (note visual predicate here!). Where there is a predominance of one kind of phrase, a preference is likely. We use words to describe our thoughts, so our choice of words will indicate which representational system/s we are using.

• (visual) - ‘I see what you mean’
  
• (auditory) - ‘That rings a bell’
• (kinesthetic) - ‘I can grasp that idea’
  
• (olfactory, smell) - ‘I smell a rat’
  
• (gustatory, taste) ‘A taste of the good life’

Habitual use of one kind of predicate will indicate a person’s preferred/primary representational system. Words such as ‘comprehend’, ‘understand’ etc. are neutral in terms of representational systems. Neutral words will be translated differently by different people.Here are a few sensory-based words and phrases, both to illustrate just how common they are, and to act as a checklist for you to determine someone else’s preferred/primary system. If it sounds like a lot of trouble, we shall shortly see how you can feel the benefit of this knowledge, both as it applies to yourself and also to others.

Visual

picture, bright, colour, look, black, vision, eye, scene, vivid, visualize, imagine, reveal, reflect, clarify, insight, perspective, notice, see, dark, hazy, focus, shine.

‘I see what you mean’, ‘You’ll look back on this’, ‘sight for sore eyes’, ‘shed some light on this’.

Auditory

loud, ring, clear, discuss, tell quiet, say, hear, ask, remark, click, hearsay, harmony, deaf, tune, dumb, call, rhythm, sound, wavelength. ‘Word for word’, ‘Hold your tongue’, ‘On the same wave length’.

Kinesthetic

touch, push, solid, scrape, heavy, rough, smooth, contract, move, pressure, handle, thrust, grasp, weight, rub, sticky, warm, cold, tackle, firm, tangible.

‘Hold on a second’, ‘Warm hearted person’, ‘smooth operator’, ‘I will be in touch’.

Olfactory (smell)

stale, nosy, fresh, whiff, stink, fishy.

‘Smell a rat’, ‘Fresh as a daisy’.

Gustatory (taste)

sweet, sour, flavour, bitter, taste, chew, swallow, bite.

‘A matter of taste’, ‘Hard to swallow’.

Neutral (non-sensory-based)

sense, think, know, notice, understand, explain, decide, learn, change, recognize, remember.

‘I understand’, ‘I cannot make sense of it’, ‘I learn better this way’.

Exploring and understanding our ‘models of the world’

We perceive the world around us through our five senses: hearing, seeing, feeling, smelling and tasting. Whatever the world is really like, we use our senses to explore and map it. The world is an infinity of possible sense impressions and we are able to perceive only a very small part of it. The small part we do perceive is further filtered by our unique experiences, culture, language, beliefs, values, interests and assumptions. Each of us lives in our unique reality built from our sense impressions and individual experiences of life, and we act on the basis of what we perceive our model of the world.

In consequence, our models are NOT the reality, but representations of reality. There are three mechanisms common to all model-building activities: generalization, deletion and distortion. NLP categorizes the filtration process into these three classes.

1. Generalization Process by which one specific experience comes to represent a whole class of experiences
2. Deletion Missing out a portion of an experience.
3. Distortion Changing experience, making it different in some way.

In NLP we call these the ‘universal human modelling processes’. These three processes operate at every stage in the construction and use of our models of the world. They underlie our abilities to concentrate, to plan and learn, and to dream. They become evident to the trained observer through a person’s speech and behaviour, and learning to detect and utilize the universal processes is a central theme of NLP.

NLP Presuppositons

What are the underlying principles of NLP?

Your computer has something called an ‘operating system’ by which it runs. In a similar way, NLP also has an ‘operating system’ by which it runs.

This system is called the ‘NLP presuppositions’. We call them presuppositions because we pre-suppose them to be true and then notice the results we get. It is not claimed that they are true or universal. However, in our experience, if you act ‘as if’’ they were true you will find your life and interactions with others become more effective, interesting, satisfying and enriching. There is no orthodox list of NLP presuppositions. I have selected the ones most important and commonly used: (Note: If you start living the first 2 basic presuppositions below in their full meaning, you’ll have the other presuppositions automatically)

The map is NOT the territory, people respond to their map of reality and not to reality itself - We experience and respond to the world around us via our five senses of sight, hearing, feeling, taste and smell. We process all information through our senses. We don’t respond to the ‘real’ world, but instead to our ‘neuro-linguist’ maps of reality. Our mental maps are NOT the reality. Believing that the map is the territory, is like eating a menu instead of the food. In NLP we remember that no one is capable of creating the only ‘right’ or ‘correct’ map. Some maps are more useful than others. In NLP we learn how to create more choices in our mental maps and therefore enrich our experience of the world. NLP is the art of changing these maps, not reality.

Life and mind-body are systemic processes - The processes that take place within a human being and between human beings and their environment are systemic. Our bodies, our societies and our universe form an ecology of complex systems and subsystems all of which interact with and mutually influence each other. It is not possible to completely isolate any part of the system from the rest of the system. For example, our mind and body are parts of the same system. Our thoughts instantly affect our muscle tension, breathing feelings, and more, and these in turn affect our thoughts. When we learn to change either one, we have learned to change the other because they are parts of the same system.

You cannot NOT communicate - We are always communicating, at least non-verbally, and words are often the least important part. A sigh, a smile and a look are all communications. Even our thoughts are communications with ourselves, and they are revealed to others through our eyes, voice tones, postures, and body movements. Even if you tried putting a bag over your head to stop communicating, you’d still be communicating something!

The meaning of your communication is the response you get - Others receive what we say and do through their mental maps of the world. When someone hears something different from what we meant, it’s a chance for us to notice that communication means what is received. Noticing how our communication is received allow us to adjust it, so that next time it can be clearer.

Underlying every behaviour is a positive intention - Every hurtful, harmful and even thoughtless behaviour had a positive purpose in its original situation for the person who performed the behaviour. Yelling in order to be acknowledged. Hitting to fend off danger. Hiding to feel safe. Rather than condoning or condemning these actions, we may separate them from the persons’ positive intent, so that new, updated, and more positive choices can be added that meet the same intent.

People are always making the best choice(s) available to them - Every one of us has his or her own unique personal history. Within it, we learned what to do and how to do it, what to want and how to want it, what to value and how to value it, what to learn and how to learn it. This is our experience (mental map). From it, we must make all of our choices; that is, until new and better ones are added.

Experience has a structure - Our thoughts and memories have a pattern to them. When we change that pattern or structure, our experience will automatically change. We can neutralize unpleasant memories and enrich memories that will serve us.

If one person can do something, anyone can learn to do it - We can learn an achiever’s mental map and make it our own. Too many people think certain things are impossible without ever going out and trying them. Pretend that everything is possible. When there is a physical or environmental limit, the world of experience will let you know about it.

People already have all the resource they need - Our five senses are the basic building blocks of all our mental and physical resources. We can use them to build up any thought, feeling, or skill we want and then place them in our lives where we want or need them most.

If what you are doing isn’t working, do something else. Do anything else - If you want something new, do something new, especially when there are so many alternatives. If you are trying to solve a problem and you are doing something that is not working, do something different. Anything different.

As I mentioned above, the NLP presuppositions are assumed to be true - not because they have been proven, but because when they are held in mind, they give their holder a much greater degree of freedom of choice and opportunities.

NLP is a model; it is not a theory nor is it concerned with ultimate truth about human behaviour. Like all ‘models’, NLP is judged by how useful it is. To test a presupposition, act ‘as if’ it were true and notice the results you get.

One of the major differences between the practitioner who can understand and use NLP and the practitioner who can only talk about NLP, is how well the individual has incorporated the presuppositions into their behaviour. So as you read and learn the skills here, please remember underlying them are the presuppositions which make them work.

INTRODUCTION

What is NLP?

Neuro-linguistic Programming is a model for understanding and utilizing communications that produces positive change and personal growth. As an applied science, NLP offers specific procedures for education, training, business and therapy. The field of NLP has developed out of the modeling of the behaviors and thinking processes of exceptional people from many fields. Modeling is the process of taking a complex event or phenomenon and breaking it into small enough pieces so that it can be recapitulated or applied in some way.What does the name NLP stand for and mean?

NLP stands for Neuro-Linguistic Programming. This complex sounding name is made of three simple parts:

Neuro - refers to the ways we use our senses of sight, hearing, feeling, taste and smell. In NLP our senses are considered to be the basic building blocks of all our behaviour.

Linguistic - refers to how we use language (both verbal and non-verbal) and how it affects our perceptions.

Programming - refers to the way we organize our senses and language to produce results. Taking control of our own programs is one of the many things you learn to do with NLP.

NLP has been used for the presentation of excellence in many fields, from sport to business, and musical performance to education. The structure of any excellent behaviour can be modeled and shared. At the heart of NLP is a wide range of methods and models it offers for understanding how people think, behave and change. NLP processes / strategies are a result of discovering how experts or excellent leaders do what they do so well; it is then possible to teach these skills to others.