The ability to get on with others helps ensure success in almost every walk of life. If your job depends on interacting with people, managing them or otherwise depending on them, you will need this communication skill. And we all need it in any family or social context. We sometimes call this interpersonal skill 'rapport'. Having a good rapport with another person creates the right conditions for an effective exchange of thoughts and ideas, whether in selling, negotiation, interviewing, counselling or any ongoing relationship. NLP has some specific and powerful techniques for building and maintaining rapport, in this lesson we will be exploring those skills.
Matching
We tend to like people like ourselves. We get on better with them, and so communicate with them more effectively. And they, in turn, get to like us. Effective rapport therefore involves matching. People who have a rapport tend to act like each other in a number of ways. Rapport skills offer benefits far beyond your professional or work life. They may well affect the goals you set, especially those involving other people. The secret lies in matching. You can build rapport by matching in the following areas:
Physiology - body posture and movement Voice - tone, speed of speech and other voice characteristics Language and thinking style - choice of words and representation system' (seeing, hearing, or feeling) Beliefs and values - what people hold as true and important Experience - finding common ground in your activities and interests Breathing - a more subtle but powerful way to match someone
We will address each of these areas separately. Before we do, you need to understand a few vital points about matching.
Firstly, always remember the importance of subtlety and respect. Don't abruptly change your posture or voice, or mechanically copy gestures. Make any change gradually and as far as possible imperceptibly. Avoid attracting the other person's attention by your body language, but rather help them to achieve rapport unconsciously. Otherwise you may annoy or insult them, rather than create rapport. Although highly conscious at first, your actions should gradually become natural and spontaneous. Have respect for the other person as a unique individual, especially when it becomes apparent that their behaviour and mannerisms differ from yours.Secondly, you also need to respect your own body. We all have different ways to stand, sit and carry out basic behaviors and these may differ from those of the other person. This means that in some situations you will feel decidedly uncomfortable when matching, and this will come across to the other person. You may find it physically difficult to act 'out of step' with your normal posture and mannerisms.
You may get away with uncharacteristic behaviour when relating to a stranger, such as a new sales prospect. But anyone who knows you well will spot you acting 'out of character', and this will break any rapport you would have built by acting naturally. So stay within your comfort zone and the natural boundaries of your personality. That does not mean that you cannot match; simply that you need to choose behaviors that you can match comfortably, or partly match.
